The year started distinctively with parties, new job and colleagues, as well as fresh inspirations for the new year. The world was my best playground with things finally falling into place, or so i thought.
The budding relationship that i was building two months earlier fell into pieces end-Jan. The following month i was living in false hopes, consoling myself that things might turnaround. It was thanks to close friends who were kind enough to slap me on my face (not literally) that i realised he was just not that into me. Finally after days of crying and sleepless nights, i managed to pull myself together and say "enough is enough".
Work was a good diversion, and i was grateful for the company of my colleagues which gave me much support, both mentally and socially. They have been a bundle of joy and i've grown closer to them now. Their friendship were a blessing when i most needed it.
"Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. "Sylvia Robinson
I had a good reflection during the healing process on my priorities and who were people that i could trust and count on. They were the ones that stood by me and didn't give up on me when i wanted to myself. i realised i wasn't as strong as i thought i was. i also saw areas in my life that needed repositioning and tweaking. I understood the prayer of asking God to give me the courage to change the things i can and the peace to accept the areas i can't.
My depression drew me back to God and me being a Christian. i started attending cell group again, learning to trust strangers that share the same faith as me. "everything works for the good of those who loved Him and who are called to His purpose."
God still has a purpose in my life. He sees something that i don't (yet). Work has improved tremendously and i have a smooth path so far. Emotionally wise, i'm glad to have someone else in my life and to move on from my past. He's someone that i give thanks for each and everyday.
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
So what have i achieved so far for 2005:
1) i lost some 5kg
2) i had 119 bylines on StarBiz
3) i had a heart-to-heart talk with mom
4) i have stayed on my job for six months, still loving it and having no intention of leaving :p
5) i finally gotten my access card at The Star two days ago -- no longer wearing that horrible temporary tag :)
Life is not perfect but it has been good. God has been good and faithful. I have still much to achieve for the rest of the year - fears that i need to conquer, mountains that i want to climb and places that i wish to see. It's been a growing up experience over the last half year, but nothing feels greater than knowing i'm still alive and given the chance to make a difference somewhere.
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." -- Nelson Mandela
