May grandpa rests in peace

He was the only grandpa I know - the elderly man who spoke in a mixture of Cantonese and Kwangsi dialect, and had a flair for poetry and Chinese calligraphy. My grandpa, Chan Hin passed away peacefully at 6.15am in HUKM on Saturday and over the next two days, the family held a traditional Taiosm prayers for him. I bid him a final goodbye today at 11.15am at the Chinese Memorial in Mentakab, Pahang. Very little tears were shed because grandpa had lived a healthy life for 93 years. To the Chinese, anything after 80 years old is considered a bonus. In that sense, grandpa was very blessed.

In the last five years, however, grandpa was in and out of hospital for several occassions. Firstly for his eye cataract removal, then it was for his heart problems. Aging comes with its illness and difficulties. Grandpa also lived for most part of his final decade in his hometown, Mentakab, where his mother, my great grandmother settled down after they left China due to the Cultural Revolution. Grandpa was only 17 years old then.

The last few Chinese New Years, grandpa had mentioned how he's just waiting for his time to come and how he longed to be reunited with his wife, my grandma who passed away 17 years ago. As far as I remembered, grandpa was less talkative after grandma left. Grandma had always been the more sociable person. She loved her grandchildren and would often have us stayed over in her place during school holidays. We would play around the house while she made us buns (pau). They were really good; and the best ones I've ever had. Every time I buy one at the shops, I'd remembered how good her ones tasted.

Grandpa, in contrast, was the more aloof person in the house. He was a typical Chinese man, who demanded respect and order while he's present. He mellowed down a lot after grandma's demise but there was always that dignified air whenever he's in the room. Grandpa was also the less affectionate person. I believed he loved having us around but as we grew older, he lost track of our progress - there were just too many of us (25 grandchildren) and most of us lived in KL. He mentioned before that in Chinese family, sons were favoured while daughters would leave the family once they're married. He told me during this year's CNY that it wasn't Chinese custom for women to remain single and without a husband. He said this when I told him I wasn't seeing anyone. I laughed when I heard it.

Grandpa likes to play chess and loves to eat. Even in his last days, he continued to walk out of the house every morning to play chess with his friends, or to have breakfast at the nearby kopitiam in the village. Too unfortunate that it was food that caused him to have a minor stroke and laid half paralysed in the hospital in the past 3 weeks. He lost his speech and for a short while, couldn't recognise his family members. It was quite a shock to see grandpa in such conditions in contrast to his usual overwhelming presence.

Last Friday, when we visited him, I held his hands in mine and wondered how could this fragile man be the grandpa that I used to know. He was half conscious and very weak because that morning he had to undergo a scoping session. He was starving as he wasn't allowed to eat prior to it. As mom cleaned his mouth, it was as if he's tasting his meal in his mind. It wasn't a pleasant scene. As I watched him, I asked God to take him away because it pains me to see him in this way. God was gracious enough to answer my prayer the next day.

Grandpa was a man that I knew very little about but he was the only grandpa I know. Today, I pay respect to this man. May you rest in peace, grandpa, knowing that you'll be dearly missed.